Most of us girls grew up watching romantic comedy’s and are waiting for the perfect meet-cute or for Prince Charming to sweep us off our feet. The older I get the clearer it becomes that this idea seems farther out of reach than ever before. But why?
Let me start off by saying that guys and girls are shopping for each other on an app, swiping left and right based on physical appearance. I, myself am guilty of being extremely superficial on those apps and where did it get me? On dates with gorgeous models with no personality whatsoever. I mean the kind of dates where as soon as it wore off how fun it was to look at them, I was looking for any window to jump out no matter the height. I once went on a date with someone and tried to order another round of drinks, and he told me he had to watch his figure. I mean those kinds of guys with 200k Instagram followers and nothing but shirtless gym pics. Those kinds of lollipops. But let me not get sidetracked.
After months and months of going on dates with these jaw-dropping right-swiped men, I said, “screw this.” All my respect to people that meet on dating apps, but it has never been my thing. All I felt like I was doing was wasting my time and I always preferred to meet someone naturally in real life. But now it’s like, okay I am not in school and there’s no one at my job I want to date so where do you go to meet someone?
Well, the quickest answer is when you go out with your friends. But how serious are these guys that come up to you throwing compliments from right field at the bar? The answer is they’re most likely not. You find yourself in a situation with men looking for instant sexual gratification from whatever girl they can convince to come home with them. Even if they stick around, it’s a game and they are just going to continue going out hunting whether you continue talking via text or not.
I think only one time I met a genuinely nice guy at a bar who walked me home and then took me on a super thoughtful date. Needless to say, there was nothing there and it didn’t continue, but out of all the guys I’ve met alone in the past year I could count on one hand how many seemed like they wanted to pursue something more than just a hookup.
As a woman in my mid-20s, our generation is so used to instant gratification. Ordering food from an app to our door, cursing out loud when they forgot the extra sauce. Photo editing apps to make even our most flawed photos flawless, causing the internet and Instagram to be a sea of perfection that when we walk out the door none of us see. Dating apps such as bumble and tinder exist where we swipe until our thumbs are about to fall off; probably passing tons of people you would really like in real life.
All of these thoughts have led me to believe two things that cause improbable possibilities to have a successful relationship these days.
First being we are so used to wanting exactly what we want and nothing more that when something doesn’t go as planned or we see something we don’t like we’re all so quick to be onto the next. I mean there’s millions of fish in the sea right? But the thing everyone’s forgetting is the most successful and beautiful relationships are the ones where someone found someone else they truly care about, made compromises, went through trials and tribulations, experienced tough times, didn’t give up and came out the other side stronger. We are always searching for perfection. It’s just easier to give up and hop back on your dating apps instead of fighting for something real.
& secondly and very sadly we are a hookup generation. A generation concerned that they didn’t get out there enough. A generation that’s always curious if there is something better out there and wondering if they’re settling. Media has everything to do with this. 90% of the shows we watch show how “normal” one-night stands are. Guys know now girls are more and more on board with the short flings because girls aren’t making them work for it anymore. Why waste his time on you when at the next bar there’s surely a girl drunk enough to bring home? If he doesn’t get to know you, why is he going to care about you enough to be something more with you? Because you’re pretty? Well too bad because there are pretty girls and good looking guys in every bar. It’s not enough anymore.
For me, I got over trying to date people a while ago. I’ve learned to be single and just enjoy it. If I meet someone cool and we go out a few times, great. But I no longer go into things with the expectation of anything. Of course, not all guys don’t want something more. There are nice guys who have been into me and that’s great for them, but I’m not ever going to settle if I’m not feeling the same for the sake of having a boyfriend. It’s about finding security in yourself and not a man.
My advice to anyone who wants to be in a serious place with someone and it’s just not working out would be to just hang in there. Be patient and the right time and the right guy will come to you. The sooner you are realistic about why dating these days is harder than the past, the less you’ll be surprised when it doesn’t work out or they don’t call you. Just enjoy yourself and your friends.
I don’t think it will stay this way forever. We are just a different generation than our parents. Most of my friend’s parents were married in their early 20s. Now we’re seeing a very late 20s and early 30s trend happening. People start to say, “Okay I’ve had a lot of fun maybe I should try to get to know some of these people now”, or, “I’m finally settled in my career time for a wife”. Which, it is what it is you can’t change it or fight it. Just enjoy your free drink, walk away and screw them before they try to screw you. Literally.
All I’m saying in an overall thought is how many of us might swipe left to the right one looking for the wrong one to bring home. Just food for thought.
Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!
“We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” -Sam Keen