My friend said something to me the other day that I couldn’t help but sit on the thought of what she said. In two sentences she gave me such a good piece of relationship advice that we have all heard before, but it was the way that she said it to me that made it make so much sense.
She said, “A good relationship should be easy like a friendship.”
Then she went on to make the point that if you had a friend that it was hard work being friends with them, you probably wouldn’t be. I’m sure we’ve all over extended our stay on relationship island because we loved the person and thought there could be SOME way to make it work. I am guilty. It’s like even when everything isn’t working you want to make excuses for them or find any reason to forgive them or just make it work when it clearly isn’t.
In the past I have forgiven my ex for unspeakable things, but friends of mine that did one bad thing to me I completely removed them from my life. No guilt. No second thoughts. But why don’t we do the same thing in relationships? Why don’t we take notice to the warning signs that maybe you aren’t good for one another?
The answer is not clear. If you’re someone who is constantly fighting for an unhealthy relationship maybe you should look at it from a fresher perspective. They say the best relationships are the ones that begin as friendships, but there is a fine line between that and when you crossover into relationship territory. If you can hold the person your dating to the same standards as someone your friends with perhaps you’d be able to put your foot down or see the warning signs easier.
I was someone who thought all the fights, all the ups and down added something significant to my “love story.” But what wasn’t resonating with me was that yes fighting and overcoming obstacles in normal, but there is a point where it’s too much and it’s telling you something, that you are not meant to be.
Easing myself into a new relationship with someone after being single for so long and coming out of past relationship where my head wanted to explode was a bit of a different feeling. There’s not fire works or chasing each other through airports like you see in the movies. It’s so easy, that one might even say it could be considered borderline boring. Well, thats what my friend told me anyway. I said to her, “It’s so natural it’s just easy, like I don’t even know what to tell you about it”. She told me, “I know, but that’s what a normal relationship is. It should just be so easy that it’s almost boring. I am happy that you have nothing crazy to tell me for once.”
Most of us have those friends that you can meet up with every few months or every few days and you can laugh, be yourself. You have healthy and easy arguments or debates. You don’t have any insane story to tell about how you fought, this one stole your ex or lied to your face. You are just effortlessly happy around them, and thats the way you should feel in a relationship, effortlessly happy.
It’s something I can’t say I’m an expert in and fairly new to. Not feeling guilt, not being worried about being unsure, not holding grudges over the things you did to me. Not sitting with my girlfriends telling them what happened, what he said, what do I do? Just being able to say, “Everything’s good, nothing to really report here,” is such a refreshing feeling.
I think if more people accepted this and stopped chasing something unrealistic or movie-like then maybe more people would actually mean it when they said they felt safe in their relationships. I can say I feel safe with many of my friendships. I’m not afraid they’re going to talk about me or stab me in the back. So why shouldn’t we all have the same peace of mind when it comes to a relationship?
The art of having an easy relationship is simple. It’s not having to jump through fiery hoops for someone. Not feeling like you have to adjust things about yourself or compromise where you know internally your heart draws the line in order to not give up and make it work no matter what it costs you mentally. The art to having an easy relationship is just that, let it be easy.
“No man is worth your tears, but once you find one that is, he wont make you cry.”