Why Women Steer Clear of the Nice Guy

Why is it that women push away the nice guys and then complain when they don’t have one? It’s a concept that has been tossed around for generations. Sure there are some women that wisen up, know what they want and get the guy who’s going to worship them every day. But is that what all women really want?


Understanding the underlying thoughts of women and the “nice guys.”

So many women go for men that aren’t perfect on paper. They go after a man that they can fix. They go after men that they believe can change. Sometimes women fall for certain characteristics in a person and become blind to their flaws in the beginning.

Truthfully I believe it’s all of the above. From my personal experience, anything that was too attainable or too easy just wasn’t something I ever gravitated towards. There is a pre-conceived notion in all of our heads that love shouldn’t be easy. Love is a struggle. Love flat out hurts us. Life has taught us this because nothing good in life comes easy. Yes, there are people who have the “fairy tale high school sweethearts story” or the “they bumped into one another and he helped her pick up her things” story. At the same time, there are also people who win the mega millions. It doesn’t happen that often and just because it’s possible doesn’t necessarily mean it’s going to happen to you. Even people in relationships with that kind of “I knew right away” story have had their fair share of struggles, we just don’t always hear about them. Just like Instagram prompts us to project the best image of ourselves, some couples don’t come right out and tell you what is behind the picture perfect tale.

Now knowing this underlying thought process exists in women you can understand what causes us to laugh or turn away from the guy worshiping our very existence. If you asked me what I thought was a cuter love story between the people who bumped into each other and knew right away or the couple who came back and forth, fought and struggled, but stuck through it and persevered, I would say the couple that struggled every time. The reason that I would give that answer is that it means that they loved parts of each other so much they were willing to overcome obstacles because they were worth it. We want a love filled with passion, trials and tribulations. It’s why we as women sob at movies like The Notebook or scenes when a huge fight occurs and then he chases her through an airport terminal. Have you ever seen a movie or read a story about a man worshiping a woman, doing everything right, saying everything right and life was perfect the end? No, I didn’t think so. This causes us to steer clear of the overly nice guys who put up a forefront that women always choose the wrong guy and they will give her the perfect life.

(I see no better meme and caption to describe this epidemic more perfectly.)



So why are women brushing off the nice guys?

There’s something exciting about finding differences in one another. We get to wonder if it will work. We get to wonder if we can love them through the habits that get on our nerves. To women, it’s an exciting adventure we love to go on. Yes, women will get to a point where the excitement can turn into too much negative drama and they walk away from their relationship. But, women also live and thrive off things not being perfect all the time.

Let me put it a different way for you. Have you ever been told or said, “It sounds too good to be true?” That nagging doubt in your head that tells you that when it seems too good to be true, it usually is, and getting fully emotionally invested in whatever this hypothetical thing is will ultimately lead to a devastating disappointment. The same can be said for a prospect of a partner. If you as a man you come in guns blazing with compliments, flowers, saying all the right things and so on, a woman’s brain has a silent alarm that goes off. It’s saying, “bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.”

To us, finding a man that we become interested in, but he’s rough around the edges is more what we internally want sometimes. We don’t want to be bored. We don’t want to be lied to. We don’t want to find out who you are five months down the line and it’s not the amazing prince charming who was kissing the very ground we walked on when we first met you.

So you are the nice guy constantly not being taken seriously. Now what?

If you are dying to take a certain someone out on a date, she’s beautiful, you’re fully invested, but she’s just not that into you, here is my advice: do not oversell yourself like you are working at a car dealership. We GET IT, you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread. We don’t need a play-by-play of all your qualities 24/7. Women will see your good qualities naturally. Just being yourself, if it is what we are into, is MORE than enough to get our attention. Be authentic to who you are, flaws and all. If she is laughing and you are making her smile then you on the right track.

Learn about the art of having an easy relationship.

If you are very sweet by nature and you feel like you have to overplay the “cool” guy act to get a girls attention then you also are not doing the right thing. You know how in movies and television shows there is always the one person who gets the advice to act like they don’t care or be mean to her? Yeah, don’t be that guy. Being yourself if you are a nice, sweet guy who gets nervous around women will ultimately lead you to the right woman who is into who you truly are. As long as you don’t go overboard with kissing our asses to the point that you KNOW you’re being excessive, you will be fine. We love compliments. We love nice gestures. We love a thoughtfully planned out date. It’s when it seems to be going overboard that it feels extremely forced and unauthentic. So be authentic to yourself and you will always end up with the girl meant for you.

“I think every girl’s dream is to find a bad boy at the right time, when he wants to not be bad anymore.”

2 thoughts on “Why Women Steer Clear of the Nice Guy

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